What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 02:05
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I waited trembling.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She found it foreign!.
Why do companies cull employees during financial downturns without saying so?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We were not on the streets..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Are female judges more lenient than male ones?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
When she asked me how she looked .
Can a twin flame runner be happy in a karmic relationship?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Why don't I get sleep at nights?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
As i do to all so called friends.?
But, we were locked up after school.
Why do men prefer women below the age of 30?
We all went to grammer schools
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
What are scads fish? What types are there?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
What is the gayest experience you have seen in prison?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Would this be the day?
Yes, That "Materialists" Limb-Lengthening Procedure Is Real - Popsugar
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was scared of men, in general
Who was the guy that had sex with the AIDS monkey?
Put me off passion for life!!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
What is the central theme of the entire Bible in one word (if possible)?
So, i spoilt her more .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Do you wear tights for warmth or to make your legs look better?
I don,t even have a pension.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
What do you think about Matt Gatz as an attorney general?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
All the time i was locked up.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I write beautiful poetry .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I was seconnd youngest,
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Comes on , in middle age.
Im still living with it.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She loved him until the end.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Especially a lifetime of it.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But ive been too sick for many years..
So whats the point in blame.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I will be 64.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I have no regrets .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
This is soul school!.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He resisted the act ,that day.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She was in good health!
I was 9 years of age.
I was very sick at this time too.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Who then, do I blame.?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And i lived it daily.
I said to her
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One cannot live in the past .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
It was going to be , some day.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Why did i forgive my father ?
She married twice! .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My family never makes their pension either.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He knew the spot.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I think the readers, may guess!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Ive learnt so much.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My life is so biszare .
I never cut or harmed myself..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I could never make a relationship work though!
But it wasn’t much.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She wouldn,t have been !
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Was to survive, this bastard.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
What did i know ?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!